uhuh
secretly, we all hate one another. everyone is just waiting for the other to trip up and fail. in jc, we all just tolerate one another until we have sponged off sufficiently. other than a small group of friends, everyone else is just competition. we hate everyone just as much as everyone else hates us. and even within that small group of friends you begin to find that everyone else irritates you more and more each day. jc life really sucks. this is my honest assessment of what being a jc student really means and i think its especially bad in rj. everyones just so bloody competitive, no matter what they say. everyone wants to do well, and if this means doing better than others, so be it. rj brings out the worst in you, and i find that now, moreso than ever, i hate people who do better than me. more accurately perhaps, i hate the fact that they do better than me, and consequently this breeds resentment against the person in question. just about nobody is excluded from these evil feelings and i must admit that while i feel happy when i do well, i feel better when others dont.
its become very clear to me that its really about emerging top and clawing your way there. there isnt any time to waste romanticising about the value of friendship and things like that; companionship does have its value but when push comes to shove its really every man for himself. its very easy to say that selflessness features in someone but really, how many people would genuinely prefer their friends to do better than them. i guess im typing this all out because im coming to terms with what i really feel about the past year in rj. after the O's i saw so many of friends do so much better than i did and i felt a surge of anger against the world, against myself. i didnt understand why things had to be that way and why i had to face such great disappointments. but disappointments are part of life and ill make no secret of the fact that im happy i did better this time round during the promos than so many people who did better than me during the Os. it would have been nice to do even better though, and ill make sure i do in a years time.
all that said i truly am sorry for some people who havent done as well as they could and should have during the promos, and im happy for some people who have done well. im not sure why such double standards exist. but these people are exceptions to the norm, just as they are exceptions in their own rights. i find that i can truly respect very few people, and those that i respect have truly gained my admiration. the rest are just chaff.
god spoke 10:48 PM
its become very clear to me that its really about emerging top and clawing your way there. there isnt any time to waste romanticising about the value of friendship and things like that; companionship does have its value but when push comes to shove its really every man for himself. its very easy to say that selflessness features in someone but really, how many people would genuinely prefer their friends to do better than them. i guess im typing this all out because im coming to terms with what i really feel about the past year in rj. after the O's i saw so many of friends do so much better than i did and i felt a surge of anger against the world, against myself. i didnt understand why things had to be that way and why i had to face such great disappointments. but disappointments are part of life and ill make no secret of the fact that im happy i did better this time round during the promos than so many people who did better than me during the Os. it would have been nice to do even better though, and ill make sure i do in a years time.
all that said i truly am sorry for some people who havent done as well as they could and should have during the promos, and im happy for some people who have done well. im not sure why such double standards exist. but these people are exceptions to the norm, just as they are exceptions in their own rights. i find that i can truly respect very few people, and those that i respect have truly gained my admiration. the rest are just chaff.
god spoke 10:48 PM
