Tuesday, July 19, 2005

i did a very interesting thing a couple of minutes ago which basically involved visiting and olg blog of mine. and i realise now just how disgusting i was a couple of years back and i would have hated myself with as much will as the rest who didnt like me very much did. the worst thing is that all this is part of my history and part of who ive grown up to become and it just amazes me that things can be so different after only a few years. then again this might just be another delusion that im indulging in, and that perhaps im still that hateful person that invited as much hatred on his own as well. i seriously cant believe that really was me, for some reason or other.

if it really was me, then i truly have grown alot as id like to believe. as something that documented my life, the blog was extremely useful in keeping track of my daily life and all i did was, according to the blog, spend money and create trouble and boast about this and that and be insensitive to everyone and anybody. i hope that all this has made me a wiser, if not better person. i sincerely hope that ive changed and moved on from that person only just a few years ago. i cannot bear to think otherwise, that a few years down the road, ill look back at the JC me and think that i was yet another selfish prick anyway and no change had come by me at all.

reading that blog once again, i understand now, what never to be, and remember now, what never to do. but we all make mistakes. let that not be mine.
god spoke 7:44 AM