uhuh
im having so many bad days now i dont know why. got really pissed off today at H, but that subsided cos he's rather innocent and didnt really know what to do, i give him that much. got pissed at P and S - its like theres some elaborate ploy to just make this part of my life in RJ as miserable as it can possibly be. come on man it's just not fair. was especially pissed at S - i felt damn betrayed cos of all people i wouldve expected her to understand the sort of circumstances that prompted me to decide to do what i did that day - i mean she was there with me and the rest of us for god's sake. as if the heat i'd gotten earlier from DPIO wasn't enough i have to keep getting my commitment thrown into doubt and disrepute when honestly - prior to DPIO i don't think this was the case.
whats changed since DPIO then? i wonder. if theres anybody to blame other than myself it should be everyone who's been questioning my commitment. you dont know me man so just fuck off. you dont know who i am, you dont know what i go through, you dont know my problems, you dont know what drives me, you dont know shit so dont try to get the moral highground here ok. im damn pissed because each time you cast doubt on where my priorities lie you make we wanna drop all this shit once and for all even more. i dont need this sort of pressure ok, i dont need an added source of stress. im a decent person i dont need you to tell me that im not and that i cant be trusted. and im fucking pissed that you can judge me that way - just stop and think lah ok, how would you feel if you were in my shoes.
you must think that im very happy right? well im not. and i hope youre satisfied now that youve succeeded in making me feel miserable all over again. im damn tired now lah ok, i dont need to explain myself all the time like this. it just isnt fair to demand something like that from me. im trying my best to feel upbeat about everything now and about our upcoming plans and stuff but i just cant because i keep feeling pissed and angry about everything. i am damn fucking pissed lah im fucking fucking upset ok. fuck.
you want me to leave jst say it lah fuck it.
fuck you man fuck all of you. just piss off.
god spoke 3:50 PM
whats changed since DPIO then? i wonder. if theres anybody to blame other than myself it should be everyone who's been questioning my commitment. you dont know me man so just fuck off. you dont know who i am, you dont know what i go through, you dont know my problems, you dont know what drives me, you dont know shit so dont try to get the moral highground here ok. im damn pissed because each time you cast doubt on where my priorities lie you make we wanna drop all this shit once and for all even more. i dont need this sort of pressure ok, i dont need an added source of stress. im a decent person i dont need you to tell me that im not and that i cant be trusted. and im fucking pissed that you can judge me that way - just stop and think lah ok, how would you feel if you were in my shoes.
you must think that im very happy right? well im not. and i hope youre satisfied now that youve succeeded in making me feel miserable all over again. im damn tired now lah ok, i dont need to explain myself all the time like this. it just isnt fair to demand something like that from me. im trying my best to feel upbeat about everything now and about our upcoming plans and stuff but i just cant because i keep feeling pissed and angry about everything. i am damn fucking pissed lah im fucking fucking upset ok. fuck.
you want me to leave jst say it lah fuck it.
fuck you man fuck all of you. just piss off.
god spoke 3:50 PM
