uhuh
food poisoning. blood tests. jabs. medicine. hospital. bad business.
i just realised that beyond all that i really dont have anything to say. had a really bad week, all of the above aside, and im alomst glad its coming to a close. but im really sad cos i really was hoping for a very different week - one that would make me happy and pleased about being me. this whole week ive been preoccupied with considering what itll be like if i wasnt me i.e. if i could change things about myself, and what these things would be. i guess it shouldnt really shock me if there are things that i do want changed, but im a little surprised that theres so little i want to remain the same.
got back random results for CT's. not the best results in my lifetime but ill live. and each time i think about them, and i begin to wonder why i couldnt have been that much smarter and do that much better. and then i start wondering about everything else and why i cant be better in everyway than what i am now. i cant appreciate anything less than perfection and i guess ive still yet to except that nobody can be perfect, much less me, no matter how much i wish otherwise. many times ive thought that people were perfect and decided otherwise within a short while later. come to think of it, theres only two people whom ive thought they were perfect for a prolonged period of time. and for one of them, i still think so.
i never understood how people can fall out of love. whether youre in a relationship or not - how does one just stop feeling for another person? many times i look back and wonder why things didnt work out in the past.. looking for an answer that i will never find for quite some time. and then old feeligns that i thought were gone come back and i realise that i miss H more than i thought i did and nobody will know that more than i do. when i look at the pictures.. the letters.. the movie stubs. things like that. little things like that, that have a very precious memory attached to it. ive too many of these things. too many.
i miss having someone around. but there isnt anybody to keep me company tonight. cept' the dark.
god spoke 4:57 PM
i just realised that beyond all that i really dont have anything to say. had a really bad week, all of the above aside, and im alomst glad its coming to a close. but im really sad cos i really was hoping for a very different week - one that would make me happy and pleased about being me. this whole week ive been preoccupied with considering what itll be like if i wasnt me i.e. if i could change things about myself, and what these things would be. i guess it shouldnt really shock me if there are things that i do want changed, but im a little surprised that theres so little i want to remain the same.
got back random results for CT's. not the best results in my lifetime but ill live. and each time i think about them, and i begin to wonder why i couldnt have been that much smarter and do that much better. and then i start wondering about everything else and why i cant be better in everyway than what i am now. i cant appreciate anything less than perfection and i guess ive still yet to except that nobody can be perfect, much less me, no matter how much i wish otherwise. many times ive thought that people were perfect and decided otherwise within a short while later. come to think of it, theres only two people whom ive thought they were perfect for a prolonged period of time. and for one of them, i still think so.
i never understood how people can fall out of love. whether youre in a relationship or not - how does one just stop feeling for another person? many times i look back and wonder why things didnt work out in the past.. looking for an answer that i will never find for quite some time. and then old feeligns that i thought were gone come back and i realise that i miss H more than i thought i did and nobody will know that more than i do. when i look at the pictures.. the letters.. the movie stubs. things like that. little things like that, that have a very precious memory attached to it. ive too many of these things. too many.
i miss having someone around. but there isnt anybody to keep me company tonight. cept' the dark.
god spoke 4:57 PM
